Self-Control (Twilight Saga: Book 2)
by De-De 20
Summary: Eliza Cullen has now control around Bella. Her gift doesn't working on her so that's a plus. She craves for company. How long would it take this comfort around a human that tends to be in a lot of troubles, that seems to follow her? All is gonna change at a certain birthday party. Will she be able to control herself again? What would Edward do? His family or the girl he loves?
1. Eliza's Journal: Entry 1

I'm Eliza Cullen and I'm a _vampire_.

Yes, we do exist but you see, my family and I are different; we don't drink human blood being the reason as to why our eye color is different, bright gold eyes, opposite as the vampires who drink human blood, red eyes.

I'm one of the two members of my family that still doesn't get used to this diet, the other one is my brother Jasper. We aren't blood related, he was turned at least twenty years later than me, he's younger and even if we aren't blood related we still treat each other as family, we all were changed in different times.

The one who started our family is Carlisle, the leader of our coven which we don't call coven but family, I don't know exactly his age but that he's older than all of us. He changed almost everyone in this family by Carlisle, my brother Edward, our mother Esme, my sister Rosalie and my brother Emmett.

Carlisle started his family with Edward changing him first in 1918 in Chicago because he was dying from the Spanish influenza. He realized later Edward's telepathic abilities when he started answering his questions when he had not said them out loud.

Then in 1921, Edward gained a mother, Esme when Carlisle changed her into a vampire to save her life after her suicide attempt. They both were the first members of Carlisle's clan but for him it wasn't a clan but a family

A year later, in 1922 I joined their family when Carlisle offered me his help, I had four months of being vampire calling myself a newborn and I had no control of my thirst and gift as much would call it. I used to kill a lot of people but then regretted it and was not able to control myself not having no one to teach me. The man who changed me left me to deal with the consequences of the change alone but the positive about that was that he never found out about my gift.

When Carlisle found me he promised me to help me control my thirst and gift but only after seeing the pain in my eyes after what I did. He offered me a home and a family as I couldn't remember mine. I was hesitant but he always showed me those kind eyes of his. He convinced me to became a Cullen, much to dismay of Edward and Esme.

Having and newborn without control of her thirst and abilities wasn't something they were keen to but Carlisle ignored them and helped me and with time Esme was the first one of them to accept me after finding out I hadn't family or I didn't remember it at all; She was sympathetic and accepted me as her daughter in less than my first year with them. Edward wasn't my number one fan back then, I guess he hated me.

In my first 5 years with them I never talked to Edward, only if Carlisle made us. We were never in speaking terms and in 1927 he entered in a rebellious period and left us, I never knew what he did for those years but he did come back in 1931 and we were worried about him. I was too, he was my brother after all and even if I didn't talk to him that didn't mean I wasn't worried. When he returned, his eyes were Crimson red surprising us, my eyes were still between red and gold, the red leaving slowly but sadly my urges were still there, Carlisle helped me with everything he could as he promised.

When Edward came back, he apologized with me for being rude, I avoided eye contact as I always did when he did so because I didn't want to order anyone. Every time I closed my eyes even if I don't sleep, those people were in my mind, I was afraid I would do something like that to my new family. At first Edward thought I was mad at him but then along with his mind reading and Carlisle's explications he understood and gave me space but still tried to talk to me I was glad he did so, and with time in 1932 I finally could make eye contact with them, but I was still hesitant.

In 1933, when we were living in New York, Carlisle brought a nearly dying human girl with him. She was covered with blood and Edward had to take me out of the room, I know he could easily overpower his thirst and could stay but he took me out of the room away from the house. Esme along with me were confused and concerned for the safety of that human girl, who Carlisle couldn't let die and wanted to change, Edward was angry about it and the both of us let the house so Carlisle could end the change

When we returned a couple of days later, Edward accompanied me all along as he knew I wasn't ready to deal with bleeding humans, he stood by me the three days it lasted the girl's change. Her name after she woke up told us was Rosalie Hale, she was 18 when she died at the hands of a group of men including her fiancé, we accepted her as our family even if Edward was against the idea.

Two years later, in 1935 Rosalie brought a dying man with her and told us she found him being mauled by a bear, she begged Carlisle to turn him which he did as he saw Rosalie's eyes, his name was Emmett McCarty, who easily accepted his new state quickly. He also became a Cullen and fell in love with Rosalie making them the second couple of mates in our family.

We moved to Forks in 1936 where we ran into a pack of shape-shifters.

I still remember that day as if it were yesterday, we were hunting out in the area and one of them almost ripped off my head of my body. Carlisle and our family signed a treaty agreeing to a truce as long as we lived there. Let's say I went afraid from shape-shifters after that. We spent some time in Forks after the treaty and then moved away

Around the 1950's, we met two young vampires by the names of Jasper Whitlock and Mary Alice Brandon. She knew almost everything from us telling us that she had seen us in a vision, her gift being able to see the future. In that vision she saw us together as family including her and Jasper, who she had met in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania in 1948.

We weren't sure about it until Edward read her thoughts confirming what she was saying was true. Even after he confirmed it, we still were hesitant but then we felt a wave of trust to them coming from Jasper, who quickly explained his gift.

The entire time I couldn't meet their eyes even me being close with my family they wouldn't make me look at their eyes, I wasn't sure if I could compel vampires but I wouldn't test that theory with them and since then, Alice and Jasper joined our family. Jasper posing as Rosalie's twin because of their similarities taking the surname ' _Hale_ ' for our time in Forks and Alice changing her name to Cullen.

Much time later, we returned to Forks, Washington and because of our treaty we could live in peace but I was still afraid of the shape-shifters.

In our different lifetimes, we'll have to move because people started to note we wouldn't age, we met a lot of vampire covens but when we moved to Alaska we met the Denali Coven, who shared the same dietary of animal blood. We stayed with them for awhile becoming great friends, they did respect my wish of not talk or look at them at their eyes when Carlisle told them the reason saying it was okay and that some gifts were meant to be dangerous.

We had to leave the Denali's because we began to attract too much attention due to our similarities and the amount of numbers, we left them and returned to Forks, where we were aware that the shapeshifter we made a deal with, Ephraim Black and his pack were dead but we still respected the treaty by staying away from their lands and not hurting humans.

Two years after living in Forks, Edward fell in love with a 17 year old human named Isabella Swan who shared his feelings. Edward found Bella interesting in two ways: first, she was completely immune to his power of telepathy and second, her blood appealed to him in a way no human had ever had.

We all were worried about the safety of our secret especially me since I was closer with Edward than everyone else and then Edward saved Bella from being crushed by a van which inadvertently exposed his inhuman strength and invulnerability. But most of us learned to cope when Edward and Bella become romantically involved. Bella found out about us being vampires and accepted us in stride. Though she wasn't part of the family, everyone but Rosalie accepted her as one of us and me being me, I couldn't stand her near me as I didn't want to hurt her.

Another vampire coven came to Forks soon after and the leader, James decided to hunt Bella for sport with help from his mate, Victoria. After a hectic chase and close call, our family including me killed James and saved her.

Since that, I figured it out that my gift didn't hurt Bella at all as Edward, i couldn't compel her and that made me feel better starting to make a good friendship with her. Jasper as me got used to Bella's scent, I was still struggling but now I could control myself.

Bella's birthday was coming and the only ones excited were me and Alice. I was ecstatic about it because she was the first friend I had outside of my family that I wasn't the afraid to hurt and Alice being Alice she liked it, so we were going to make a birthday party in our home.

That's so far my family story, I couldn't tell my own story because I can't remember it at all. There are blank spaces in my human life but I hope I can remember at least my birth name, surname and family but I'm happy with this family.

I didn't tell our entire story because it could take a lot of time which I do have but I'm not so sure as the ones are reading this journal will.

I'm doing this journal because as Esme says, _memories are important_. So I will try to remember everything since I was changed in Mach, 1920 until now, September 12, 2005.

So... Until later dear reader, peace and out...

 _*~ Eliza Cullen ~*_


	2. Chapter 1

I closed my journal sighing. My mind suddenly overwhelmed from all those thoughts. I smiled remembering the first time I met a part of my family, Carlisle, Edward and Esme.

The last two weren't too much comfortable to have me around but soon they got used to me

" _Still thinking about that, huh?"_ Edward's amused voice sounded from behind me.

I looked up, a smirk playing in my lips

"You used to hate me" I told him quietly, he chuckled

"I used to hate red eyes not you, Liz" he told me smiling, I chuckled. he suddenly turned serious "You don't remember your human days?" I avoided his eyes looking forward

"I'm not sure, maybe I don't want to, maybe I'm still not ready. Carlisle told me it could be because of that and when I'm ready, I'll start remembering" I sat up grabbing my journal pressing it to my chest giving Edward a small smile "C'mon lover boy, your girl's birthday is today. I want to give her her gift before Alice wins me over and spill my surprise for her" I rushed to my room grabbing my backpack and a gift box.

Today was Bella's birthday.

Since I found out that my ability didn't work on her I'm more at ease because if I don't focus in not compelling her, I can use more of my self control around her making it more easy to spend time with her.

 _Compulsion_ is my gift the one I was cursed to be with.

When someone is changed into a vampire, somehow a trait of their human personality is heightened like our senses, some says that it's a strong trait we had when we were humans. Not everyone develops an ability and that's why gifted vampires are rare but appreciated.

My gift like much vampires will called it, (even if I don't see mine as one, more like a curse) it works as a command, I can look at someone's eyes and order them to do what I want. At first it was easy, I just avoided eye contact but then as I was getting older my ability also grew, it wasn't only eye contact but any small phrase I said could be taken as an order.

After that it was everything that came out of my mouth, each word I said could end someone's live and I'm not overreacting, it happened once.

Once, I made my brother Jasper to haunt a girl from all the forest once until she was dead to have fun and because I was mad, I remember what I told him...

' _Oh come on! Why don't you have fun hunting. Try it, that way at least you can try to control the hunger yourself and not the other way around'_

I didn't know how literal my words could've been. The moment I finished talking, Jasper's face changed; A dangerous, murderous look crossed his features speeding away from the house.

I remember smelling blood. All of us followed the smell finding Jasper on top of a dead girl, each tree around them was covered on blood, drops of blood fell from his face and chin. Edward's golden eyes were on him searching his memory trying to figure it out what happened. When he finished he closed his eyes painfully and after a few seconds he opened them looking down at me

 _'He hunted her down, he played with her, he was having..." Edward trailed off looking down at Jasper, who was leaning against a tree breathing heavily even if he didn't need to. Alice at his side calming him down "Fun" Edward finished looking down at me. My eyes widened and I took a step back guiltily...'_

"Memories. Some painfully, don't you think?" Edward's voice snapped me from my thoughts, I blinked a couple of times

"Yes, I forgot about that one" I told Edward knowing he also saw my memory. he nodded, a small smile in his lips as he opened the passenger's car door gesturing me to enter

"It was the first time you used your ability in one of us" he told me as I sat on the passenger's seat. Not a second later he was on the driver's seat "I remember you were terrified. That was the moment you stopped talking to us the first time, not even communicating with me with you mind"

I chuckled

"I thought I could compel someone with my mind too Edward, so that's why I ignored everyone including you"

We were now on the road on our way to school, the green scenery was breath-taking, I always loved seeing the woods each time we drove to school. It was peaceful to my mind and relaxed me

"And until now you haven't tried to compel someone without words I mean with your mind"

I shot him a look

"And I don't even want to try it" I told him seriously, the school now in view. We hadn't had more than 10 minutes in the car because of Edward's driving skills were mad, all of us were. We drove like crazy that if the police found out about it, they would think we were trying to cause a car crash

Edward chuckled parking the car in our usual parking place. We got out of the car looking for Bella, I smiled hearing her annoyed friends' voices

" _Oh good. Cullen's here_ " I heard one of Bella's friends, the blonde one Mike said dryly " _And he's not alone_ " I bit my lip looking at Edward. He smiled looking down

"Shut up" he told me, I raised my hands in innocence

"I didn't say anything"

Bella's friends walked away uncomfortable, Bella didn't register their goodbyes as her eyes where on Edward

I looked at him realizing he was looking straight to Bella. I chuckled silently, slowing down my pace as Edward walked in front of me, Bella's face was smiling, until...

"Happy birthday"

Her face fell with our words, I grabbed my gift looking at her with a small amused smile

I knew perfectly she didn't want to celebrate her birthday because she told me and Alice but of course, Alice being Alice ignored her and me being me excited about my friendship with Bella of not being afraid of hurt her decided I was going to ignore her wishes and we both planned her birthday party anyway

"Don't remind me" she told us, I chuckled

"Your birthday is definitely a day to celebrate" Edward told her

"Not for me" she said, I linked my hand with Edward's

"Eighteen is a little earlier to worry about your age" Edward told her in amusement

"Yes come on Bella I'm 17, you're older than me" I winked at her "Do you see me complaining?" She looked down? I handed her my present, she looked up and started shaking her head

"No.. Eliza, I.."

"I know what you said, Bella" I told her sweet but sternly making her stop and look up at me "And I know that me and Alice will ignore everything you asked us to and I will give you mi present anyway so please accept it, eighteen is not that much of a big deal" she grabbed the gift box hesitantly giving me a small awkward smile

"It's one year older than you" she told us specially to Edward, I scoffed playfully

"I'm 17, Bella"

"True. Maybe I should be creeped out that I'm dating such an old guy" she said

"Yes, it's the age that's creepy not the fact that you're dating a vampire" I told her smiling in amusement.

She looked down embarrassed, Edward shoved me aside playfully, I raised my arms in innocence.

He then turns to Bella and kisses her adoringly and she kisses back making me look away awkwardly. I cleared my throat as they pulled back

"Yeah, don't do that in front of me, my self control is not that strong" I gagged playfully

Edward cleared his throat awkwardly looking at Bella and nods toward the school building

"Class"

"Right. Class"

I smiled in amusement "Yeah come on, I don't want to be the weird third wheel anymore time that I already did" I grabbed Bella's arm and dragged her with me to the school. She follows me with no choice as my grip on her arm stronger than from a human

"Open your gift Bella" I told her smiling. She looked up at me then at the box in her hands. I gave her an encouraging smile, she sighed and opened the box, she froze looking down at the gold bracelet in the box.

I chose it for her a while ago when Alice told me about her birthday that she would spend it with us.

After the whole James incident, I had her name craved on the bracelet along with _Cullen_ on italics to make her see I approved of her relationship with Edward and that I was looking forward to have her as a sister.

The bracelet had small pink and blue glitter flowers around her name.

She grabbed the bracelet and held it with both of her hands, she looked up at me speechless, I was looking at her with a expectantly small smile

"Wow, this is... I don't ..." She stuttered, I laughed slightly sensing Edward behind me, he placed an arm around my shoulders

"Do you like it?" I asked her quietly, she nodded slowly still eyeing the bracelet turning it around her fingers

"It's beautiful" she finally told me, I smiled brightly at her grabbing the bracelet from her hands, I felt a small shiver coming from her body from my sudden touch in her hands but I ignored it

"May I?" I asked her, she nodded and I clasped it around her wrist backing away clapping my hands happily about to say something else when suddenly the most disgusting smell entered my nose, I scrunched my face in distaste.

Edward dropped his arm from my shoulder looking irritated as he rolled his eyes and looked down at Bella

"Someone wants you" he told her, the familiar disgusting smell of wet dog filled my nose stronger and I looked behind Bella to see a muscular, dark skinned, brunette guy with a black ponytail jogging up to us carrying a used car part.

He nods at us, Edward grabbed my upper arm pulling me apart from them to give them some space but still looking at them

I ignored them trying to not smell the wet dog

"Gosh Ed, I think I'm going to class. This disgusting smell is going to drive me crazy and probably make me lose control" I told him making him nod slowly "Anyway, who is he? And why he smells like a wet dog?"

Edward chuckled

"Tell you later. Go on and find Alice and Jasper, stay near them and you'll stay in control"

I nodded and quickly walked away from them. The wet dog smell leaving as I neared the school. I let go a breath I didn't know I was holding, remembering my self control wasn't good when I suddenly heard the humans heartbeats. I cursed under my breath slowing down closing my eyes and pursing my lips concentrating. The heartbeats no longer bothering me as I walked slowly to the doors keeping my chin up and looking straight ahead not wanting to stare at someone and ripped their throats out...

Good, I'm in control now.

Now, to find Alice and Jasper.


End file.
